Today I found myself choking up while eating a tomato.
Not literally choking, and not sobbing, but I was crying.
I cry because I was eating a plant straight from a garden, and I know the person well who had planted it. It made me smile, then laugh a little, and a bit of crying. It was a beautiful moment of bliss.
I used to have those moments all the time. In high school I was unapolagetically myself and knew it. I knew what I loved and who I was at that moment. I wasn’t worried about who I was going to try to be in the future. This put me in deep connection with my roots and the environment around me.
I was in a nurturing environment. I had supportive teachers and parents. I was growing like a weed and so was my brain! My friends made fun of me for being over dramatic and I was sort of embarrassed by that connection to myself, unable to express how I felt.
When college came, I was crying because of the course load but also because I loved what I learned. I chose my area of study based on passion and interest and found myself in awe of it all more often than not. I lost myself in my studies and focused on it then was in complete shock once I began to wonder who I should be after graduation.
For a while, the thankful tears came at music festivals and during yoga classes. I couldn’t find them in the daily routines in life anymore and this worried me. Deep down, I think I knew I was losing myself at times.
Beauty in nature always grounds me, time and time again. After college, I moved to the most beautiful place in the United States and began to find myself again. Thankfully, I have committed to this quest since.
I came back to life while still fighting what I thought the social norms were of finding some grand old high paying job that you expect after college. After 2 years I am back to that child in high school, growing my brain and connecting to myself.
Graciousness flows and pours out of me as I embrace the arts, poetry, more writing. I can find that inner wild girl and love her fully. This journey brings tears to my eyes almost daily and I am happy to give myself the gift of release and tears.
It’s okay to cry. It’s a beautiful thing.
Find peace and you’ll accept all the quirks and form great new habits.